All figured out
So often I think I've got it all figured out. I know what God's plan is for a certain area of my life... and then it doesn't turn out how I expected at all.
I thought selling my art prints online would be the main way God would use my gift. Simple. Easy. Put a few prints online and still have plenty of time to be a wife/mum/farmer/business owner. But as I get further into my journey as an artist I'm finding that God is a lot more interested in the CONNECTIONS I make with my customers through my art. My custom art jobs are booming a whole lot more than my online sales!
In their hearts humans plain their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. -Proverbs 16:9
Yes, it takes more time to do custom orders but I get to speak to my customers and get to know them and their stories. Sometimes it's about sharing the joy of a new baby or celebrating an anniversary or milestone. Sometimes it's about hearing the pain deep inside my customer's hearts and playing a part in their healing through my art.
Rewind to about 9 years ago. I thought I had everything figured out. My husband and I would work for a bit and save up some dough and then have the family that we both wanted so much. (At least 4 kids.) We were so overjoyed when I easily became pregnant. What could go wrong?
I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We were devastated. Then we lost 2 more babies after. No one can explain the heartache of losing a child, no matter how old the child is. Even though our babies were only with us for such a short time and we never got to meet them, we loved them so much! God had created a Mother's heart within me. I already cared about their wellbeing and prayed for them and talked to them. The anguish was the greatest I've ever felt. There was also the immense longing to enjoy parenthood- not knowing if we ever would. So many other parents have lost children in the same way but it's not something we talk about much. It's hard to understand the grief in someone's heart when you can't see what they've been through.
This last week I've had the privilege of painting a memorial piece of art for a family who have lost two beautiful babies. The family wanted to be reminded through this art that their babies are resting in Jesus' loving care. As I designed and painted this special art, I could see a few different areas of my life coming together like puzzle pieces in God's hands...all in his perfect wisdom and timing.
To be able to share my own heartache with another mother going through the same pain was such a blessing of love and comfort to the both of us! Through the process of this art God has not only brought peace and reassurance to my customer, but to me also. Praise God! He really does work in the most amazing ways.
Now I'm not saying that God strategically plans out the course of our lives and plays it out like we're puppets on a string. I believe he gives us our own free will. And I'm not saying that God planned for us to lose our babies for a purpose. We live in a fallen world as a result of original sin. Because of this there will always be hardships, BUT God holds us close, using our rough circumstances for his good and to strengthen our faith in him.
This quote was part of the sermon at church this week and I thought it was very fitting:
Sometimes God the Father holds us so tightly in his grip, it hurts.
The next piece of custom work for me to do is a trio of fun, jungle animals for a new baby's nursery. Let me be honest here. Before I started working on the 'Babies in God's hands' art, I was feeling like I wanted to skip ahead and do the nursery art. Although I felt honoured to be asked to design such a special memorial, I knew working on something that would bring up memories of heartache would be hard. But do you know what? The hard things are where God makes us stronger. The hard things produce an abundance of true blessings. The hard things help us to cling to God and remember who's hands we (and our loved ones) are being held in.